dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
tell me about the fingering
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
