So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
