Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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