As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
