Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
