She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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