Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
