Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
