Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
