I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
that's an acceptable place to lick
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
