Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
