wat bout pragnant strippers??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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