i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
