I'm drive I can fine osifer
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
