I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
