I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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