we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
