I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
