That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
