maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
