I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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