so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
