I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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