Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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