Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think my moral compass just broke
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
