i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize