i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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