She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
