I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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