They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
