I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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