I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
