Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
