Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
