I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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