I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
