I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We had to coat check the pizza.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
