yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
