Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize