No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
