We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
vagina is talking i cant
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
