so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
