You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
