I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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