Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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