His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
