batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think your dad took our porno
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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