I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
