Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
