They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
