Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
