we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
