You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize