We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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