fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
