Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
