so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
