Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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