she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
