So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
