Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize