i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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