3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
