I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
