some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
