i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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