I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
