I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
