i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
