John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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