i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize