I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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