Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
