Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
its liver damage thursday
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize