dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dicks are not precious.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
