There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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