I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize