I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
