Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
