Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
