And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
