The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
