She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I had to cum in my sink.
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