HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
