I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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