A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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