my vag is so smooth its legendary
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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