Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize