Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
