I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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