just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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