Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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