My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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