She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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