Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
