Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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