she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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