I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am spending my child support on dildos
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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