Sponge bath it is.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
