Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
