wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
