My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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