my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
