the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
