so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
