at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's never too late to be topless.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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