And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
3 2 1 whiskey
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
