Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
