His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
